So an interesting thing happened to me today... I have been trying to think of what I wanted to say next...I wanted to tell a little of my BrOk3n story...but a new experience trumped my own story today... So I found out that my ex brother in law had died from a heroin o.d. last night... I wasn't too affected by it because for one, we aren't family and it's not like we know each other well or anything.. but his little girls and I used to be very close another life time ago...and I started thinking what if that was me..what if my kids lost their Daddy..their superman...their day dreamer...and I started to feel bad about not missing another person I have known and once was family, ( even if I thought he was a punk). Then my ex text me and said my little boy, my sweet little boy, didn't really understand when they told them and had thought it was me that was gone and wanted to talk to me..right about the same time I had started to feel so bad for my nieces' and thinking what if that was me... so I called him instantly and I could hear the relief in his little voice that his Daddy was just fine...I told him how much I loved him and how much I missed him...after I hung up I really started to think about those sweet little girls and how they cant call their Daddy to have him reassure them he's just fine and loves them so...but there is so much more to this part of the story because this same group of people have visited so much hurt to me and my kids and family and life..(thats for another time)..that I am kind of starting to learn a little about how it is to forgive someone that has offended you so bad...and the more I write the more you will know I have no forgiveness in me...if I have felt wronged in the ways I have, about certain things I have, there is no forgiveness. I have been hurt so bad all my life that I've become numb and just shake off the bad things that come my way...but it has made me hard and cold and semi careless...and its something within me that needs to change... I wish I could just go to those little girls and scoop them up and give them big kisses from their Uncle Bri and tell them it will be ok and that I am there for them anytime they need me...and I cant... and its enough to make a guy feel helpless...but so thankful it wasn't his own kids that was lost to one of the dark places of the world that I have become a custom to living in...not the drug parts...but the sorrow and wanting to just numb up with anything to make it stop hurting..to not have nightmares of life..so bad they wake you up just to make you wish you didn't. So what I learned today is to not take anyone that is in your life for granted... Even if you think they suck...because if you just look for a second you will see how the hurt has crossed over into peoples lives that are innocent and don't deserve to hurt this much at such a young age... I have always wished that if I had super powers I would want to be able to take away sadness for the people I love... I wish for that and then I turn around and send pain to people just because it hurts me so much to be close to another grown human being for the fear of being let down or disappointed... I have had a long history of losing the things that I hold closest and is made me forget who I am and who I was but its also reminded me of who I want to be and who I want to become... tomorrow I will write about my own story I wanted to share